How to Manage Disappointment After a Feis: Turning Setbacks into Strengths

Participating in an Irish dancing competition, commonly known as a Feis, can be an exhilarating and nerve-wracking experience for both the dancers and their families. The anticipation, the hard work, and the dedication culminate in those few moments on stage, where the results determine the outcome of all the efforts. While some dancers walk away from a Feis beaming with joy, others may find themselves grappling with disappointment and frustration. If you're a parent who has heard your child express disappointment over their Feis results, know that you're not alone in this experience. However, remember that there are valuable lessons to be learned from managing disappointment constructively.


The Initial Upset: A Sign of Caring
It's important to acknowledge the emotions that come with a disappointing outcome. Sometimes, as parents, we might hear our children lament their results and wonder how to provide comfort. While it's natural to want to shield them from any negative emotions, it's also crucial to recognise that their disappointment stems from a place of caring deeply about their performance. The truth is, if a child brushes off a poor result with indifference, it might be indicative of a lack of investment or passion.


Turning Disappointment into Motivation
Disappointment is a powerful motivator. It's a crossroads that offers a choice: either let the disappointment repeat itself or take proactive steps to improve. Encourage your child to view disappointment as a catalyst for growth. Ask them if they want to continue feeling the way they do after a disappointing outcome or if they're ready to take control and work toward better results. This moment of reflection can set the stage for constructive goal-setting and renewed dedication.


Navigating the Emotional Spectrum
It's important to note that not all instances of disappointment are created equal. If your child's disappointment persists for days on end and starts affecting their overall well-being, it might signal a deeper underlying issue that needs addressing. But in most cases, the initial upset after a Feis is a natural reaction that gradually subsides. Give your child the space to process their emotions, and when the time is right, have a conversation about what can be learned from the experience.


The Comparison Conundrum
One common source of disappointment after a Feis is the tendency to compare oneself to friends or fellow dancers. The truth is, each dancer is on their own unique journey, and their progress should be measured against their own growth, not someone else's achievements. Help your child understand that comparing themselves to others can be detrimental to their own development. Encourage them to focus on their own goals and progress, celebrating their achievements regardless of how they stack up against others'.


The Hard Work Equation
Sometimes, disappointment is a result of a mismatch between effort and outcome. If a dancer didn't put in the necessary work and dedication, their disappointment might be a wake-up call. However, it's important to differentiate between genuine effort and unrealistic expectations. If your child has genuinely worked hard, remind them that the path to success is often paved with setbacks and challenges. Emphasise the importance of perseverance and patience.


Embrace Being Upset and Bounce Back
In the grand journey of life, Feis results are just a small part. Encourage your child to embrace their disappointment as a sign of their commitment to their craft. Let them know that getting knocked down is a natural part of growth, but the true test lies in getting back up again. Resilience and determination are qualities that will serve them well beyond the world of Irish dancing.
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Conclusion
Managing disappointment after a Feis is a valuable life lesson that extends far beyond the realm of dance. It teaches children how to handle setbacks, channel negative emotions into positive actions, and cultivate resilience. As parents, our role is to provide guidance, support, and a safe space for our children to process their emotions. By reframing disappointment as an opportunity for growth, we can help our young dancers emerge from the experience stronger, more motivated, and ready to face the challenges that lie ahead.